A feeling of panic swept over me as I prepared for my first trip to Nashville to meet with Creative Soul. What was I thinking – saying I’d go down there? I started assembling all of the lyrics I could find – some scribbled, some typed, and others written neatly on legal pads. After I had exhausted all possible options of where they might be hiding, I stared at the dining room table covered with songs spanning several decades. With a lump in my throat I began to talk to myself – half complaining, half praying – “this cannot be for nothing – this cannot be all there is … there must be a purpose. Whatever possessed me to sit down and write all these songs? Why would anyone one do that, Lord?”
I stood there, tears streaming down my face for several minutes as I reflected on all he had brought me through. I sat down at the piano and started singing the chorus … “This can’t be the end of the road …” The first verse came quickly and by the time I got to the end I realized that my musical journey was remarkably similar to the story of the prodigal. Broken once again, I wept as I realized how tired I was of trying to figure things out on my own and that my Heavenly Father was indeed waiting; but not only that, he had been with me all along and was even now preparing the way before me.
This was written for our friend, Nikki, who valiantly and joyfully lived every moment of her life until she was ushered into the presence of Jesus. I can still see her sitting in the balcony at church wearing a brightly colored scarf, face beaming with sheer joy as she watched her children participate in the annual Christmas pageant. And maybe there was a little coaching going on up there when the three ‘wise guys’ sang! My daughter had recently given me a quote: “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a gift; that’s why we call it the present!” I was pondering that as I went to see Nikki in the hospital early one morning. She was in and out of consciousness but smiled and held me close as I thanked her for all she had taught our church family about loving and caring for people.
Every time my Dad got up to preach he would pray, “…and Lord, please give me a clear mind and a warm heart with which to teach your Word. But if I ever had to choose between the two, Lord, I’d rather have a warm heart…” I was always touched by that but as I got older I used to be a little afraid that God might take him up on that proposition and although he did repeat himself a lot in later years (jokes, that is – which we appropriately teased him about), and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when he was well into his 80’s, he never got confused about God’s Word and he always presented it with clarity and a warm, tender heart – 53 years in full time ministry, and many more after that, mentoring pastors and churches wherever God placed him.
The story of a little girl’s journey to faith, and the Daddy who led her there. But the story began long before that:
This song developed out of a personal Bible study on genuine love as described in 1 Corinthians 13. As I read the chapter through several times the melody began singing to me. There’s an interesting story about the song’s debut in church – a stark contrast, presented just moments before I was to get up and sing – the contrast between love and hatred; a story of how God gave me the strength and composure to get up and present a message of love in the face of utter contempt and humiliation.
A true story inspired by a little girl’s treasure hidden away in a crayon box, and the lesson I learned about how God works in us; a song for my dear friend and all the beautiful little ‘butterflies’ in our lives. Interestingly, the song developed in much the same way as the message it conveys when I found an old journal entry 25 years after it was written. Much like the caterpillar my daughter had tucked away in an obscure place, the journal had been sitting unnoticed in a box of personal effects that had endured several moves. When I found it I wept as I realized how true it was – the message was for me!
I usually try to catch some news while I’m preparing dinner and realized after some time that I was saying the same thing every night: “WHAT is goin’ on?” At first I thought it was funny until it occurred to me that we spend much of our time questioning and complaining about what is wrong in our lives and in this world … and we fail to get up and actually do something about it.
This song was born out of deep feelings of inferiority: some of them self-induced but others in response to the kind of people I have since come to realize are dealing with their own inadequacies. I found myself in an environment where degrees, status and power were everything. Thing is, I was the only person in the place who had none none of the above. I remember sitting in a meeting one day after being overlooked, ignored, insulted and dismissed thinking, “Wow! I am in a room full of people who know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING (pardon my sarcasm) – even the areas I thought were my specialties! Clearly I must have been hired to be the village idiot!”
True story. I try to be good when people are praying – close my eyes and fold my hands like I learned in Sunday School, but sometimes I really wonder what God is thinking when we give him these multiple choice requests (Lord, you could do this, this or that); or when we let him know up front what his limits are (Lord, if you would just do that…); or my personal favorite – when we take on an advisory role with the omniscient God of the universe.